I feel like I've been in a daze since yesterday's news. I don't know how to react. It's almost as if I'm afraid to feel unrestrained joy for fear someone will call and tell me it's been a mistake and snatch it all away again. Is this it? Could this possibly be the end to this nightmare?
So I guess I get to go through all 5 stages AGAIN, this time with GOOD news? I must be in denial, I still can't believe it.
And strangely, I feel a twinge of guilt--what did I do to deserve this reprieve? There is no reason to this, nothing but a spin on the wheel of chance, a blessing of Grace that I know I did not earn by faith or works. Why do I get off with just a warning, while others get the full ticket and worse? Or is it my bonus, my consolation prize for being a cheerful contestant, a hale and hearty "what does she get to take home with her today, Johnny?"
It's very weird. After being dragged, weeping and wailing into this alternate universe, finding my way around the underworld of Cancer, learning the geography and living with demons behind my thoughts in every waking hour for 4 months--now, suddenly I've been paroled and told to go away.
Now what do I do?
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1 comment:
You say a prayer of thanks and pat yourself on the back for maintaining an optimistic outlook in the face of darkness. Congratulations, my beloved friend.
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