Wake up late, behind all day

I slept way late this morning, and now I'm late walking the dog too. Lunch will be late, because my stomach won't wake up until this afternoon, the sun will go down before I'm ready, and I'll go to bed too late to get up early tomorrow morning. My circadian rhythm is all discombobulated. I'm stuck in alternating diurnal and nocturnal sleep patterns, without any structure to regulate my life. Without outside influences like a job to go to or a husband who expects meals at regular intervals, I am sliding into a hermit-like, selfish, drifting bliss of "whenever." This can't be healthy.

MaryAnn brought Jacob over last night and he moved boxes and bins that are too heavy for me upstairs and downstairs. Now I no longer have to trip over tool boxes in the living room or trek down to the basement for things that are needed in the loft! I am so grateful to him for doing this, and so resentful that I cannot do it myself--I was the one who put all these things there in the first place, and now I can't even shove them around with my feet, let alone my useless arms.

One of the reasons I opted for implant surgery rather than an autologous reconstruction (using the muscles and fat of my own body to form new "breasts"), was the lengthier recovery time and the fact that I would need those core muscles to continue to have what they called "an active lifestyle." Unfortunately, it's not turning out the way I expected, and I still don't have any physical strength to do the things I consider to be normal in the way of daily function.

Without the body working at what I consider to be even a minimal level, I can do nothing but read and sleep. And the more I read and sleep, the less energy I have, hence the more reading and sleeping I do, etc. A vicious cycle of sloth. Yes, just listen to me whine.

Thank heavens that I have a demanding dog who needs to be walked everyday! She's nosing my hand as I type, so I'd better go try to be the person my dog thinks I am, instead of sitting here blubbering about things I cannot change.