I think I've mentioned before that I don't dream often, or at least I don't remember them. I awoke this morning in a clutch of anxiety.
I was dreaming that I had a giant lump in my armpit, and I had to get to the oncologist right away. Then I had to have surgery again and he ordered chemo immediately, and I wasn't able to go to my daughter's wedding, and everyone, including myself, was back in the fear-cycle of cancer for another year and beyond.
My armpit was actually hurting when I came to consciousness--my pajama top had gotten all crunched up under my arm and was pressing on my scar line. Tentatively, anxiously, I searched with my fingers. There is no lump. Just constrictive clothing. And an overactive subconscious.
Now I'm all discombobulated, trying to regain some balance for the day. Uneasy and on guard. Just when I think I'm over it, it comes roaring back to unsettle me again. I hate this stuff.
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2 comments:
P,
I'm sorry you had that dream - you have just been working too hard and going in too many directions. Your guard was down and the old "evil" stuff crept in. Rest and be well.
L, M :-)
I love you mom. Sometimes I forget that you are human, and not the invincible force of nature from my childhood's perspective. Hang in there,
Alex
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