There's only about a month to go before Bill comes home, before the kids come to visit, before taxes are due, before spring is really here. I'm often living in the thoughts of what is coming, rather than what has been--and that's a good thing. I know the popular wisdom is to live in the now, but having had some harrowing "nows" lately, sometimes I think it's just better to go to a happy place of looking forward to something else. Looking forward got me this far, relatively unscathed.
I think in order to have a future, you have to be able to envision one. So often, that's exactly what a cancer diagnosis takes away from you--the faith that there is a future, that you'll ever again have the luxury of planning things for later, with reasonable surety that you'll be able to be there to see those plans to fruition.
I am now at a point where I can't believe how good I feel physically. It's an absolute miracle to be without the pain and constriction that I lived with as "normal" for the past 4 months! What a difference it has made in my mental attitude as well. I now feel like I'm on the downhill side of the mountain, the home stretch of the race. I'm starting to believe in the future again.
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