Back to Weakling Status

There's something just a tiny bit discouraging in being told, once again, "no lifting, straining, moving heavy furniture, exerting, exercising, bathing, or doing ANYTHING!" It's like being sent down to the minors after 4 glory days in the big leagues.

I can't sit up by myself anymore. It's like a reflex that disappeared overnight (literally). Oh well, back to being "the queen."

I saw clearly with yesterday's surgery, Bill is getting close to the limit of his infinite patience. He's tired of sitting next to me in small rooms, doing nothing except waiting for more medical persons to show up and ask the same questions. He's tired of listening to me and everyone else around him talk about cancer. He's tired of telling his friends and co-workers about his wife's cancer. He's tired of disease, and serious issues, and meaningful talk. I don't blame him a bit--as much as I extol his perfection as a nurse, bless him for his rock-like strength, he surely deserves a break, if only even temporarily. I'm not up to being normal yet myself, but he needs something normal for a change. Maybe I'll send him off to work next week, once I am able to drive and bathe by myself. He desperately needs a change of scene, something that gives him a boost and a feeling of usefulness, besides having me totally dependent on him.

When I look at the schedule on the right sidebar, I see not only all the stuff I've gone through for the past 2+ months, but everything he's gone through as well--and this is the kind of stuff that really interests me too, I mean the research and the problem-solving and the action plans. Bill worries. In fact, he does so much worrying, I have had the luxury over the last few decades of not worrying much at all, because I know that Bill will do more of it, and will worry better and more thoroughly than I could ever imagine. He's been carrying that worry-burden for the both of us, while being monumentally bored by the subject and process of it.

My mom is coming to stay with me for the month of December, and as much as they like each other and enjoy each other's company, Bill might have more fun going and doing 3 weeks of temp relief officer work on a ship before he goes out on another long cruise. Mom and I can do the post-op and girl-bonding stuff, and he can go do the yo-ho-ho life and get a better grip. Yesterday, I saw him flirt with a bit of burn-out, and I can't have that, I can't stand to see him unhappy because of me.

I am feeling good this morning, and without drugs too! I just got up to use the bathroom, drink more liquids and move around a little. Now it's back to bed for more sleeping.