It has been somewhat odd and disconnected for me to be focused these past 2 weeks on "reconstruction" surgery versus "cancer-removing" surgery. I see now that having the reconstruction done immediately effectively lessened the impact of the "OMG, I've got Cancer!" response, and gave me something to hone in on besides the gut-clenching, disease-fearing part.
In a way, I feel as though I might have bypassed something important here, a lesson to be learned or a character-building moment I will never retrieve? I've been temporarily distracted from the Breast Cancer-Fighting Mindset to focus on the Breast Rebuilding-Healing Mindset. Many women, in fact, choose to postpone the rebuilding phase until after the full treatment regimen, so as to put all their energy into ridding themselves of the disease before moving on. Did I unwittingly shortstop that process? Will I be able to garner my mental and physical resources again for the continuing issue of fighting the cancer that may or may not still be lurking after the surgical treatment? I'm not sure about my answers to those questions yet.
Part of it was an observation by my friend Jayne about the generational differences in the perception of what a diagnosis of cancer means. She said that when she told her mother and her sisters about her breast cancer, they all cried. When she told her nieces and nephews, they said casually "Oh, good! At least you have something that is treatable." The difference is that in one generation, cancer has gone from being an automatic death sentence to a treatable condition, and our gut reactions are based on how old we are. I am old enough to remember a childhood friend dying from leukemia--yet, I am also the aunt of an ALL survivor, my niece Bonnie. With Jayne's recognition of this generation gap, I started thinking as my own children do about my disease. As daughter Juli said, "At least it's something they can remove, like breasts--it's not something you really need like a liver or a brain!" Sure they were scared of the potentially fatal possibilities, but they mostly were relieved when the initial shock and fear passed. I came to this place as well, through their reactions.
I do know that the visceral impact of the anticipated mastectomy (complete with actual photos, thanks to the internet) may have made me more amenable to the immediate reconstruction option when it was offered to me. When I first viewed photos of what the mastectomy would look like and what reconstruction would look like, I was equally traumatized by what I perceived my old familiar body would become. How could it be that these women were smiling in their photos? An automatic camera-say-cheese response? How could they look happy about what their bodies looked like in an objective sense?
And strangely, I have come around to that mental shift as well. I am completely delighted so far by the aesthetic outcome (while I still recognize that objectively, looking like a nipple-less Barbie doll with Corpse Bride patchwork stitches isn't really the photogenic ideal)! I look down my shirt or in the mirror, and I do smile. I have been hardly consumed at all by the cancer-disease-did-they-get-it-all? details, and more focused on can-we-proceed-with-reconstruction? details, leapfrogging ahead to the end before it's really over. There is a great temptation to breathe a premature sigh of relief and pronounce myself "cured," before having done the next hard thing (and the next, and the next).
And the more I read about the next phases, I realize that I'm going to have to gear up again, gather up some more grit, because this stuff never really ends, it never goes away. Fortunately, I don't have to make any huge decisions yet, because we are (unbelievably) still waiting for the darned pathology report from a California lab now. My removed parts were "sent out" for further study, because the initial dissections showed three different kinds of breast cancer, two in each breast. How's that for complicated?
For now, we can assume that for all intents and purposes, my breast cancer has been removed by the surgery. But here's the kicker that wakes me up occasionally--I also have to suppose that whatever conditions existed in my body that led to what I would have to call the "explosive" generation of multiple types of cancer all at once--those conditions still presumably exist inside me. So I'm thinking that there is probably something else going on in my formerly trusted human ecosystem that needs to be dealt with on a microscopic basis with chemo and hormonal and gene therapy, and I hope that one or all will work to correct those conditions.
It could indeed be that all the cancer is gone now, that there isn't a cancerous or pre-cancerous cell left in my body. But I don't think it's likely. Can I go on blithely without further treatment, even if the protocols said that my particular cancer profile statistically usually survives at least 5 years without anything more being done after surgery? I'm not sure I could sleep peacefully at night ever again--I'd always be waiting for either the breast cancer to recur or some other cancer to pop up. Other than the offending tissues being gone, all the same conditions are still in place that gave rise to the cancers in my breasts. Who's to say that it won't happen again, and in something I do need, like a liver or a brain?
So I guess that it's good that I've had something else to focus on besides all the scary stuff still to come. It's good that I too am smiling at my less-than-perfect and perfectly-wonderful new bionic boobs (though don't hold your breath looking for my pix on the internet)!
I do have some time to shop for an oncologist and do some research on what is known (more than in the past) and what is unknown (less than in the future). I realize again that this is going to be a salient feature of my life from now on, despite my desire to just fix it and move on. I'm beginning now to see why people who have been through this call themselves survivors and not victors, because you're never really sure if you're victorious--maybe when you die of something else? None of us gets to live forever, so maybe that's the goal?
But still, the verbiage irks me. I want a less passive word than "survivor." Dr. Jo suggested "warrior," and for now that's what I feel like, and feel like using.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Home again at last!
Rainy leaving Charlottesville this morning, cold and snow flurries in the Southwest Virginia mountains, sunshine in TN. Gosh, I love this place! We took our time, because I was uncomfortable being seated for more than an hour or two at a time. The big elastic bandage kept digging underneath, pinching and chafing, so we would stop to adjust me, walk, use the restroom, eat, look at Harleys and gun stores, and then finally I gave up in Kingsport and made Bill stop at the Walmart. He went to get the car gassed up, I went in and grabbed a handful of assorted sports bras in various strengths and sizes, and 45 minutes later, we are home at last. Ah! Relief at last to get that hospital-supply torture device removed and into something more reasonably comfortable and supportive!
It stormed heavily here last night and turned cold today, and the pond looks just slightly fuller. Hopefully, we will get more rain tonight, perhaps even some snow if it gets cold enough. (It won't last--the sun will come out and melt it before breakfast).
We now have 12 days before another trip to remove stitches and do post-op checks. I am so pleased with the results so far, and look forward to continuing to recover my strength slowly at home where I am most comfortable.
It stormed heavily here last night and turned cold today, and the pond looks just slightly fuller. Hopefully, we will get more rain tonight, perhaps even some snow if it gets cold enough. (It won't last--the sun will come out and melt it before breakfast).
We now have 12 days before another trip to remove stitches and do post-op checks. I am so pleased with the results so far, and look forward to continuing to recover my strength slowly at home where I am most comfortable.
Asking for support for my friend, MaryAnn
My friend, MaryAnn, is having her reconstruction surgery tomorrow. For all who have been following my blog, I humbly ask that you take time for a prayer or a positive thought for my dear friend, who has been an invaluable resource, a treasured mentor and an inspiration for me these past few months.
Go get that secret BB Club decoder ring & membership card, MaryAnn, and we'll see you on the flip side!
Go get that secret BB Club decoder ring & membership card, MaryAnn, and we'll see you on the flip side!
Back to Weakling Status
There's something just a tiny bit discouraging in being told, once again, "no lifting, straining, moving heavy furniture, exerting, exercising, bathing, or doing ANYTHING!" It's like being sent down to the minors after 4 glory days in the big leagues.
I can't sit up by myself anymore. It's like a reflex that disappeared overnight (literally). Oh well, back to being "the queen."
I saw clearly with yesterday's surgery, Bill is getting close to the limit of his infinite patience. He's tired of sitting next to me in small rooms, doing nothing except waiting for more medical persons to show up and ask the same questions. He's tired of listening to me and everyone else around him talk about cancer. He's tired of telling his friends and co-workers about his wife's cancer. He's tired of disease, and serious issues, and meaningful talk. I don't blame him a bit--as much as I extol his perfection as a nurse, bless him for his rock-like strength, he surely deserves a break, if only even temporarily. I'm not up to being normal yet myself, but he needs something normal for a change. Maybe I'll send him off to work next week, once I am able to drive and bathe by myself. He desperately needs a change of scene, something that gives him a boost and a feeling of usefulness, besides having me totally dependent on him.
When I look at the schedule on the right sidebar, I see not only all the stuff I've gone through for the past 2+ months, but everything he's gone through as well--and this is the kind of stuff that really interests me too, I mean the research and the problem-solving and the action plans. Bill worries. In fact, he does so much worrying, I have had the luxury over the last few decades of not worrying much at all, because I know that Bill will do more of it, and will worry better and more thoroughly than I could ever imagine. He's been carrying that worry-burden for the both of us, while being monumentally bored by the subject and process of it.
My mom is coming to stay with me for the month of December, and as much as they like each other and enjoy each other's company, Bill might have more fun going and doing 3 weeks of temp relief officer work on a ship before he goes out on another long cruise. Mom and I can do the post-op and girl-bonding stuff, and he can go do the yo-ho-ho life and get a better grip. Yesterday, I saw him flirt with a bit of burn-out, and I can't have that, I can't stand to see him unhappy because of me.
I am feeling good this morning, and without drugs too! I just got up to use the bathroom, drink more liquids and move around a little. Now it's back to bed for more sleeping.
I can't sit up by myself anymore. It's like a reflex that disappeared overnight (literally). Oh well, back to being "the queen."
I saw clearly with yesterday's surgery, Bill is getting close to the limit of his infinite patience. He's tired of sitting next to me in small rooms, doing nothing except waiting for more medical persons to show up and ask the same questions. He's tired of listening to me and everyone else around him talk about cancer. He's tired of telling his friends and co-workers about his wife's cancer. He's tired of disease, and serious issues, and meaningful talk. I don't blame him a bit--as much as I extol his perfection as a nurse, bless him for his rock-like strength, he surely deserves a break, if only even temporarily. I'm not up to being normal yet myself, but he needs something normal for a change. Maybe I'll send him off to work next week, once I am able to drive and bathe by myself. He desperately needs a change of scene, something that gives him a boost and a feeling of usefulness, besides having me totally dependent on him.
When I look at the schedule on the right sidebar, I see not only all the stuff I've gone through for the past 2+ months, but everything he's gone through as well--and this is the kind of stuff that really interests me too, I mean the research and the problem-solving and the action plans. Bill worries. In fact, he does so much worrying, I have had the luxury over the last few decades of not worrying much at all, because I know that Bill will do more of it, and will worry better and more thoroughly than I could ever imagine. He's been carrying that worry-burden for the both of us, while being monumentally bored by the subject and process of it.
My mom is coming to stay with me for the month of December, and as much as they like each other and enjoy each other's company, Bill might have more fun going and doing 3 weeks of temp relief officer work on a ship before he goes out on another long cruise. Mom and I can do the post-op and girl-bonding stuff, and he can go do the yo-ho-ho life and get a better grip. Yesterday, I saw him flirt with a bit of burn-out, and I can't have that, I can't stand to see him unhappy because of me.
I am feeling good this morning, and without drugs too! I just got up to use the bathroom, drink more liquids and move around a little. Now it's back to bed for more sleeping.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Reconstruction Done!
In to surgery at 3:30, woke up around 5:15, was at the All-You-Can-Eat Wood Grill Buffet by 6:15, pigging out at the salad bar and telling the roast beef carver "more, more!" Sometimes I don't even believe myself.
Not only do I look and feel "fahbulous, dahling!" tonight, but they also gave me a little card with my implant serial numbers on it. I apparently now belong to the Bionic Boobs Club, and this is my secret membership decoder card. The despised tubes are gone, I'm wrapped in elastic like a breast-bound Flapper Girl from the 1920s, and I'm thinking I might even have the luxury of sleeping on my side tonight (with propping pillows, of course). Wow, it is so great to be done with this part.
I get to shower in 4 days (Sunday), then need to be back here on Tuesday, Nov. 27 for stitches removal. I will also try to bundle my final appointments with Dr. Brenin's crew for that day too, maybe an oncologist consult as well. Much research to do in the meantime, and we're still trying for a copy of that path report too.
Home to Tennessee tomorrow, and on to continued recovery.
Not only do I look and feel "fahbulous, dahling!" tonight, but they also gave me a little card with my implant serial numbers on it. I apparently now belong to the Bionic Boobs Club, and this is my secret membership decoder card. The despised tubes are gone, I'm wrapped in elastic like a breast-bound Flapper Girl from the 1920s, and I'm thinking I might even have the luxury of sleeping on my side tonight (with propping pillows, of course). Wow, it is so great to be done with this part.
I get to shower in 4 days (Sunday), then need to be back here on Tuesday, Nov. 27 for stitches removal. I will also try to bundle my final appointments with Dr. Brenin's crew for that day too, maybe an oncologist consult as well. Much research to do in the meantime, and we're still trying for a copy of that path report too.
Home to Tennessee tomorrow, and on to continued recovery.
Something cool about the World Map
I just figured out that if you click on the "Where in the World Are YOU?" map, then click on "Show smaller dots," you can see all the little places where people are checking out my blog.
Very, very cool!
Very, very cool!
Good Dreamless Sleep
Cold, gray, rainy, gloomy, misty drive yesterday. I slept almost all the way in little bits and pieces of about 20-30 miles per nap. For awhile, Bill was playing our Spanish lesson CDs, and I'd wake up, respond to something in Spanish, and go right back to sleep! We were both pretty cranky, sore and tired when we got in around 6.
We watched a very funny movie called Free Enterprise after a pickup dinner of cold cuts, salads and snacks. For old sci-fi fans, this movie is a hoot, featuring every geek you knew in high school & college, plus William Shatner playing himself as producer of a 6-hour musical version of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. We laughed so hard that the dogs and the parrot became aggitated.
I slept straight through until about 5, and was able to have my one cup of black coffee before 6 am. I think this is so amazingly wonderful--if your surgery is in the afternoon, they now let you have your morning coffee!
This afternoon, we go to a new facility, the Outpatient Surgery Clinic, rather than the big University Hospital--I might even see someone new for a change.
For now, I think I'll go back to bed and snooze some more. We have nothing that needs to be done other than walk the dog this morning, and show up for more surgery at 1:40 PM. I can't wait to be done with these tubes and "temps."
We watched a very funny movie called Free Enterprise after a pickup dinner of cold cuts, salads and snacks. For old sci-fi fans, this movie is a hoot, featuring every geek you knew in high school & college, plus William Shatner playing himself as producer of a 6-hour musical version of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. We laughed so hard that the dogs and the parrot became aggitated.
I slept straight through until about 5, and was able to have my one cup of black coffee before 6 am. I think this is so amazingly wonderful--if your surgery is in the afternoon, they now let you have your morning coffee!
This afternoon, we go to a new facility, the Outpatient Surgery Clinic, rather than the big University Hospital--I might even see someone new for a change.
For now, I think I'll go back to bed and snooze some more. We have nothing that needs to be done other than walk the dog this morning, and show up for more surgery at 1:40 PM. I can't wait to be done with these tubes and "temps."
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Off again to UVA today...
"From my lips to God's ears"--today we travel again to UVA, for the completion of my reconstruction surgery tomorrow. No radiation needed is a huge positive, as huge as the negative node biopsy results. Two big hurdles, cleared and in the rear-view mirror at last.
Dr. Lin, my plastic surgeon, called yesterday. I think of him as "Yan Can Cook," he reminds me so of that energetic young Oriental with the fancy knife work, back in the days before the Food Network took over all the cooking shows. He and his residents called to see if I was happy with my "Trial Size Balloons" they put in 11 days ago, filled with 500 cc. of saline (about half my previous breast size). I told him that Bill & I had been discussing it and that we thought what I have is not too small, not too big, just about right. So, we're a go for tomorrow for the silicone replacements. I'm thrilled to be almost done with these hard-edged plastic forms, they pain me like a bad underwire bra from hell, except for the fact that I can't adjust the pressure off my rib cage or take it off to get any relief!
It's been weird to talk to Bill about the male viewpoint of the aesthetics of "size," after having gone through the surgery and everything else leading up to it. Since I only see the top view, Bill and I have differing perceptions of what I actually look like externally. Perhaps, I said to him, you should take a picture with the digital camera so I can see what you see? Perhaps, Bill rejoined, we should just post that picture on the blog and everyone can have a vote? What a smart-aleck I married!
Uh, no thanks (I bet you are all breathing a sigh of relief that this particular perverse idea of Bill's was rejected, right)? Paris Hilton I'm not (nor, do I want to be), and I think we can make this decision ourselves without the blog's input. I do have some decorum left somewhere, even after spending so many days in rooms with strangers with my shirt off! So 500s it will be, and I'm happy with that outcome. Since silicone is somewhat denser than breast tissue, I will be about 1/2 the size and about 5/8 the weight of my former chest. I will be very happy with that.
My back will thank me, my permanent bra-strap shoulder dents may even plump up again someday.
And thankfully, the tubes and drains and bulbs will be coming out too, and then, glory be--a shower, a highly anticipated reward shimmering out there just beyond reach, in the not-too-distant future! At this point, I'd give up almost anything for one hot shower with lots of soap and a super-duper loofah back scratch!
All good stuff. We're in transit or in Virginia for the next 2-3 days. Surgery is outpatient, so we should be home by Thursday or Friday night at the latest.
Dr. Lin, my plastic surgeon, called yesterday. I think of him as "Yan Can Cook," he reminds me so of that energetic young Oriental with the fancy knife work, back in the days before the Food Network took over all the cooking shows. He and his residents called to see if I was happy with my "Trial Size Balloons" they put in 11 days ago, filled with 500 cc. of saline (about half my previous breast size). I told him that Bill & I had been discussing it and that we thought what I have is not too small, not too big, just about right. So, we're a go for tomorrow for the silicone replacements. I'm thrilled to be almost done with these hard-edged plastic forms, they pain me like a bad underwire bra from hell, except for the fact that I can't adjust the pressure off my rib cage or take it off to get any relief!
It's been weird to talk to Bill about the male viewpoint of the aesthetics of "size," after having gone through the surgery and everything else leading up to it. Since I only see the top view, Bill and I have differing perceptions of what I actually look like externally. Perhaps, I said to him, you should take a picture with the digital camera so I can see what you see? Perhaps, Bill rejoined, we should just post that picture on the blog and everyone can have a vote? What a smart-aleck I married!
Uh, no thanks (I bet you are all breathing a sigh of relief that this particular perverse idea of Bill's was rejected, right)? Paris Hilton I'm not (nor, do I want to be), and I think we can make this decision ourselves without the blog's input. I do have some decorum left somewhere, even after spending so many days in rooms with strangers with my shirt off! So 500s it will be, and I'm happy with that outcome. Since silicone is somewhat denser than breast tissue, I will be about 1/2 the size and about 5/8 the weight of my former chest. I will be very happy with that.
My back will thank me, my permanent bra-strap shoulder dents may even plump up again someday.
And thankfully, the tubes and drains and bulbs will be coming out too, and then, glory be--a shower, a highly anticipated reward shimmering out there just beyond reach, in the not-too-distant future! At this point, I'd give up almost anything for one hot shower with lots of soap and a super-duper loofah back scratch!
All good stuff. We're in transit or in Virginia for the next 2-3 days. Surgery is outpatient, so we should be home by Thursday or Friday night at the latest.
Monday, November 12, 2007
No Radiation Needed!
We still don't have the final pathology report, but Dr. Brenin called late this afternoon to say he had spoken to the pathologist by phone, and the reconstruction can proceed on Wednesday--no radiation treatments will be needed.
Hip, hip, hooray, yippee!
We are starting out on the road to UVA tomorrow around noon, and hope to be back on Thursday night.
Hip, hip, hooray, yippee!
We are starting out on the road to UVA tomorrow around noon, and hope to be back on Thursday night.
No Painkillers and the Healing Properties of Dinner Parties & Zinfandel
"You planned this!" Bill said last night as I poured myself a well-deserved glass of red wine, (replying to his initial protests that I had gone 24 hours without opiates or acetaminophen).
Ah, I've missed my wine with dinner. Is there anything more sublime, more salubrious than a glass of California Zinfandel? I don't think so. Just one glass, thank you, and I feel like a normal person again.
When friends start coming again for dinner, that's when I know recovery is assured. Dinner with Shirley, Ray, Joe, Les & Bill was great last night. I was all about the easy preparations last night--Shirley and I did the cooking part, the boys finished watching their football game and then served us, and everyone but me did the dishes. Now that's big-time fun, people! The hostess retired for bed at about 7:30 without apologies.
Hoisin-Sauced Pork Tenderloin (for 6-8 people)
Marinate in large zip-lock bag for 3-6 hours:
2 Pork Tenderloins
1/3 cup Hoisin Sauce (found in Oriental food section)
1/4 cup reduced-sodium Soy Sauce
3 Tbls. sugar
1/4 cup cider vinegar
3 Tbls. canola oil
Heat grill pan (or cast-iron skillet or BBQ grill) and spray with non-stick spray. Lift meat from marinade (reserve for sauce) and sear all sides of pork tenderloins in grill pan, then cover and cook for 15-20 minutes, making sure drippings don't burn to pan--add water 1/2 cup at a time to keep meat moist and bottom of pan simmering. Add reserved marinade and cook meat, turning as necessary, until instant read thermometer reads 150. Remove meat to platter, keep warm. Simmer sauce over high heat until thickened and glossy--pour over meat and serve, slicing tenderloin crosswise. Garnish with sliced scallions if desired.
(If only serving 2-3 people, just cook one of the tenderloins and use half the marinade--freeze the other for later in the zip-lock bag--just defrost and cook normally as above).
(If grilling tenderloin on the BBQ, place marinade in small saucepan, add 1/2 cup water and bring to a boil--then reduce to desired consistency for sauce)
Roasted Garlic & Goat Cheese Mashed Potatoes
2 heads garlic
Olive oil
8 Red-skin potatoes, unpeeled, chopped into 1" chunks
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
3 oz. soft goat cheese
Chives, snipped
Salt & Pepper
Preheat oven to 425. Cut heads of garlic in half across the "equator." Set with cut sides facing up and drizzle with olive oil. Place on a sheet of foil and wrap loosely to form a packet. Roast in oven for 1 hour. Cool.
Boil potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 minutes. Drain and mash with butter & milk.
Squeeze roasted garlic from the papery heads into potatoes, add goat cheese and chives and mash to desired consistency. Season with salt & pepper.
Pam's Tasty Hammy Quichey Football Snacky Thingys
1 tube reduced-fat Crescent Rolls
3 oz. cooked ham, diced in 1/4" pieces
3 oz. swiss cheese, diced in 1/4" pieces
1/2 onion, minced
1 egg
1 Tbls. Dijon mustard
1 Tbls. Whole-grain mustard
1 Tbls. Honey Mustard
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
Preheat oven to 375. Unroll crescent rolls, separate into 4 rectangular pieces--roll to flatten slightly and seal diagonal seams. Cut each rectangle crosswise into 3 roughly-square pieces. Place one piece in each mini-muffin cup.
Mix ham, cheese, onion, egg, mustards and pepper in a small bowl. Using a teaspoon, divide filling amongst the 24 muffin cups lined with dough. Gently fold any overlapping dough toward the center of each cup.
Bake about 18-22 minutes, or until golden brown and bubbly. Let cool about 3 minutes, then remove and serve.
Fake Crab Dip
1 - 8 oz. pkg non-fat, low-fat, or regular cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1/3 cup catsup
2 Tbls. prepared horseradish
1 - 12-16 oz. pkg surimi (imitation crab meat)
juice of 1/2 lemon
Topping:
1/3 cup catsup
2 Tbls. prepared horseradish
Beat softened cream cheese with a fork until smooth. Add catsup and horseradish and beat until pale pink. Fold in crab meat and lemon juice.
Mix remaining catsup and horseradish together, pour over the top of dip. Serve with crackers or sturdy chips.
Ah, I've missed my wine with dinner. Is there anything more sublime, more salubrious than a glass of California Zinfandel? I don't think so. Just one glass, thank you, and I feel like a normal person again.
When friends start coming again for dinner, that's when I know recovery is assured. Dinner with Shirley, Ray, Joe, Les & Bill was great last night. I was all about the easy preparations last night--Shirley and I did the cooking part, the boys finished watching their football game and then served us, and everyone but me did the dishes. Now that's big-time fun, people! The hostess retired for bed at about 7:30 without apologies.
Hoisin-Sauced Pork Tenderloin (for 6-8 people)
Marinate in large zip-lock bag for 3-6 hours:
2 Pork Tenderloins
1/3 cup Hoisin Sauce (found in Oriental food section)
1/4 cup reduced-sodium Soy Sauce
3 Tbls. sugar
1/4 cup cider vinegar
3 Tbls. canola oil
Heat grill pan (or cast-iron skillet or BBQ grill) and spray with non-stick spray. Lift meat from marinade (reserve for sauce) and sear all sides of pork tenderloins in grill pan, then cover and cook for 15-20 minutes, making sure drippings don't burn to pan--add water 1/2 cup at a time to keep meat moist and bottom of pan simmering. Add reserved marinade and cook meat, turning as necessary, until instant read thermometer reads 150. Remove meat to platter, keep warm. Simmer sauce over high heat until thickened and glossy--pour over meat and serve, slicing tenderloin crosswise. Garnish with sliced scallions if desired.
(If only serving 2-3 people, just cook one of the tenderloins and use half the marinade--freeze the other for later in the zip-lock bag--just defrost and cook normally as above).
(If grilling tenderloin on the BBQ, place marinade in small saucepan, add 1/2 cup water and bring to a boil--then reduce to desired consistency for sauce)
Roasted Garlic & Goat Cheese Mashed Potatoes
2 heads garlic
Olive oil
8 Red-skin potatoes, unpeeled, chopped into 1" chunks
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
3 oz. soft goat cheese
Chives, snipped
Salt & Pepper
Preheat oven to 425. Cut heads of garlic in half across the "equator." Set with cut sides facing up and drizzle with olive oil. Place on a sheet of foil and wrap loosely to form a packet. Roast in oven for 1 hour. Cool.
Boil potatoes in salted water until tender, about 15 minutes. Drain and mash with butter & milk.
Squeeze roasted garlic from the papery heads into potatoes, add goat cheese and chives and mash to desired consistency. Season with salt & pepper.
Pam's Tasty Hammy Quichey Football Snacky Thingys
1 tube reduced-fat Crescent Rolls
3 oz. cooked ham, diced in 1/4" pieces
3 oz. swiss cheese, diced in 1/4" pieces
1/2 onion, minced
1 egg
1 Tbls. Dijon mustard
1 Tbls. Whole-grain mustard
1 Tbls. Honey Mustard
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
Preheat oven to 375. Unroll crescent rolls, separate into 4 rectangular pieces--roll to flatten slightly and seal diagonal seams. Cut each rectangle crosswise into 3 roughly-square pieces. Place one piece in each mini-muffin cup.
Mix ham, cheese, onion, egg, mustards and pepper in a small bowl. Using a teaspoon, divide filling amongst the 24 muffin cups lined with dough. Gently fold any overlapping dough toward the center of each cup.
Bake about 18-22 minutes, or until golden brown and bubbly. Let cool about 3 minutes, then remove and serve.
Fake Crab Dip
1 - 8 oz. pkg non-fat, low-fat, or regular cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1/3 cup catsup
2 Tbls. prepared horseradish
1 - 12-16 oz. pkg surimi (imitation crab meat)
juice of 1/2 lemon
Topping:
1/3 cup catsup
2 Tbls. prepared horseradish
Beat softened cream cheese with a fork until smooth. Add catsup and horseradish and beat until pale pink. Fold in crab meat and lemon juice.
Mix remaining catsup and horseradish together, pour over the top of dip. Serve with crackers or sturdy chips.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Could it be???
Are my abs actually getting stronger? I woke in the night and did my usual flop-around thing, wondering whether to wake Bill to have him shove me to an upright position. But this morning, I thought about it for awhile, extended my arms, and sat UP! Wow! Progress at last. I still wasn't able to put any weight on my arms, so those stomach muscles must be getting~gasp~a workout for the first time in 6 years?
I also woke without pain for the first time in short-term memory. The surgical swelling is going down at last, I can feel the pressure of the temporary implants, but I can also feel the hard edges of them under the skin for the first time. So, just pressure (like an underwire bra), but no actual ouch!
I took a look in the bathroom mirror and my saran-wrap dressings are starting to degrade too. I must have exceeded their shelf-life. Getting better! Wowee!
I'm keeping good thoughts for news on Monday--that radiation won't be needed, that I'll be able to keep my appointment on Wednesday for the permanent silicone implant exchange. MaryAnn says that those who have been through this say that it's such a relief to get the softer implants--the saline filled expanders (like I have now) are known as " the baseballs," and indeed, that's sort of what they look and feel like--having two baseballs under the skin on your chest. I wonder how I'm going to restrain myself from wanting to show these newbies off to everyone I know (maybe anticipating their looks of horror will deter me from this type of exhbitionist behavior)!
I feel great this morning! (I know, I know, mustn't overdo...)
I also woke without pain for the first time in short-term memory. The surgical swelling is going down at last, I can feel the pressure of the temporary implants, but I can also feel the hard edges of them under the skin for the first time. So, just pressure (like an underwire bra), but no actual ouch!
I took a look in the bathroom mirror and my saran-wrap dressings are starting to degrade too. I must have exceeded their shelf-life. Getting better! Wowee!
I'm keeping good thoughts for news on Monday--that radiation won't be needed, that I'll be able to keep my appointment on Wednesday for the permanent silicone implant exchange. MaryAnn says that those who have been through this say that it's such a relief to get the softer implants--the saline filled expanders (like I have now) are known as " the baseballs," and indeed, that's sort of what they look and feel like--having two baseballs under the skin on your chest. I wonder how I'm going to restrain myself from wanting to show these newbies off to everyone I know (maybe anticipating their looks of horror will deter me from this type of exhbitionist behavior)!
I feel great this morning! (I know, I know, mustn't overdo...)
Thanksgiving Recipes - Desserts
While I was not sleeping in the hospital, I took the time to look at what the food mags have come up with this year for fall recipes. I rarely suggest that cooks "try out" new recipes on guests (unless they are that kind of guest, and you people know who you are!), but since we're going to have a quiet couple's dinner ourselves this year, here are some of the things I'd like to try for the first time (maybe you think they are interesting too):
Fresh Pear & Cranberry Pie
Recipe for a Single Crust Pie
8 cups sliced, unpeeled red and/or green ripe pears (7-8 total, 3-3 1/2 lbs.)
1 cup fresh cranberries
1/4 cup sugar
3 Tbls. cornstarch
2 Tbls. apple cider or water
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 Tbls. sugar
2 Tbls. caramel ice-cream topping, + more for drizzling
Preheat oven to 375.
Prepare and roll out pastry for a single pie crust, forming a high fluted edge to keep filling from bubbling over.
Arrange half of pears in prepared shell; sprinkle with half the cranberries. Arrange remaining pears on top of cranberries--reserve the remaining cranberries for later.
In bowl, stir together sugar, cornstarch, cider and nutmeg; pour evenly over fruit.
Cover pie with foil
Bake 40 minutes; remove foil and sprinkle with 1 Tbls. sugar. Bake, uncovered, for 30-35 minutes more or until pears are tender and juices are bubbly. Remove from oven and place on rack to cool.
In a small saucepan, combine remaining cranberries and 2 Tbls. caramel topping. Bring to boil and cook 1 minute. Remove from heat and spoon over hot pie. Drizzle pie or decorate plates with remaining topping as desired.
Harvest Fruit-topped Chocolate Cake
Cake:
8 oz sour cream
1 cup water
2/3 cup canola oil
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/8 tsp. ground cloves
8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
1 cup whipping cream
Topping:
1 unpeeled red pear
1 unpeeled granny-smith apple
1/3 cup dried cranberries
2 cups apple juice
1 cup sugar
Caramel ice-cream topping
Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour two 9" round cake pans.
Combine sour cream, water, oil, eggs, sugar, vanilla, baking powder and soda, and salt in extra-large bowl. With a large whisk, stir until combined. Add flour, cocoa & spices and whisk vigorously until smooth. Pour into the two prepared pans.
Bake 30-35 minutes until center springs back after being touched lightly. Cool in pans for 10 minutes, then remove and cool layers completely.
Finely chop chocolate and bring cream to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in the chocolate until smooth. Cool, then chill until spreadable, about 1 hour.
Meanwhile, prepare fruit topping:
Slice pear lengthwise, slice apple horizontally. Bring sugar and apple juice to a boil and add fruit. Return to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 2 minutes. Remove from head and let stand for 5 minutes. Strain and discard syrup, cool fruit to room temperature.
Place one cake layer on serving plate and spread with half of the chocolate/cream mixture. Top with second layer and spread with remaining ganache. Arrange fruit in single layer on top of cake, pour caramel topping over fruit, allowing to drizzle down the sides of cake. Serve immediately (does not store well).
White Chocolate-Cranberry Blondies
1/2 cup softened butter
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup coarsely chopped white chocolate
1 cup fresh cranberries
Preheat oven to 350. Line an 11" x 7" x 1 1/2" or a 9" x 9" x 2" baking pan with foil; coat foil with non-stick spray.
Beat butter with wire whisk or mixer; add sugars, baking powder, soda & salt. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Add flour and mix until combined.
Stir in dried fruit and white chocolate. Spread batter into pan. Sprinkle with fresh cranberries--do not stir, just press lightly into surface of dough (stirring with streak the bars).
Bake 25-30 minutes, cool for at least 1 hour. Lift foil out of pan and cut into bars.
May be served with Cinnamon Whipped Cream-- combine 1/2 cup chilled whipping cream with 1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon. Beat until soft peaks form.
Caramel & Chocolate Pecan Bars
Crust:
2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 cup toasted pecans, halves or chopped
Topping:
2/3 cup butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Combine all crust ingredients except pecans in a medium bowl. Beat until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Press into bottom of ungreased 13 x 9 baking pan.
Place pecans evenly over unbaked crust.
Combine 2/3 cup butter and 1/2 cup brown sugar in 1 qt. saucepan. Cook over medium head, stirring constantly until entire surface of mixture begins to boil. Boil, stirring constantly for 1 minute. Pour mixture evenly over pecans and crust.
Bake for 18-22 minutes, or until entire caramel layer is bubbly (do not overbake). Remove from oven. Immediately sprinkle with chips; allow to melt slightly. Swirl melted chips over bars, leaving some whole for effect. Cool completely and cut into bars.
Blue Ribbon Sugar Cookies
1 cup butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
Coarse sugar for topping
Heat oven to 375.
Combine butter & sugars in large bowl, beat at medium speed until creamy.
Add egg and vanilla, continue beating until well mixed.
Reduce beater speed to low; add flour, cream of tartar and baking soda. Beat until dough forms a ball.
Shape dough into 1" balls, place 2" apart on ungreased cookie sheets. Flatten dough balls to aabout 1 1/2 " with bottom of a glass dipped in sugar. Sprinkle with coarse or decorator sugar, if desired.
Bake 7 - 9 minutes until edges are lightly browned. Let stand 1 minute and remove from cookie sheets.
Fresh Pear & Cranberry Pie
Recipe for a Single Crust Pie
8 cups sliced, unpeeled red and/or green ripe pears (7-8 total, 3-3 1/2 lbs.)
1 cup fresh cranberries
1/4 cup sugar
3 Tbls. cornstarch
2 Tbls. apple cider or water
1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
1 Tbls. sugar
2 Tbls. caramel ice-cream topping, + more for drizzling
Preheat oven to 375.
Prepare and roll out pastry for a single pie crust, forming a high fluted edge to keep filling from bubbling over.
Arrange half of pears in prepared shell; sprinkle with half the cranberries. Arrange remaining pears on top of cranberries--reserve the remaining cranberries for later.
In bowl, stir together sugar, cornstarch, cider and nutmeg; pour evenly over fruit.
Cover pie with foil
Bake 40 minutes; remove foil and sprinkle with 1 Tbls. sugar. Bake, uncovered, for 30-35 minutes more or until pears are tender and juices are bubbly. Remove from oven and place on rack to cool.
In a small saucepan, combine remaining cranberries and 2 Tbls. caramel topping. Bring to boil and cook 1 minute. Remove from heat and spoon over hot pie. Drizzle pie or decorate plates with remaining topping as desired.
Harvest Fruit-topped Chocolate Cake
Cake:
8 oz sour cream
1 cup water
2/3 cup canola oil
2 cups granulated sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
2 cups all purpose flour
3/4 cups unsweetened cocoa powder
3/4 tsp. freshly ground black pepper
1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/8 tsp. ground cloves
8 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
1 cup whipping cream
Topping:
1 unpeeled red pear
1 unpeeled granny-smith apple
1/3 cup dried cranberries
2 cups apple juice
1 cup sugar
Caramel ice-cream topping
Preheat oven to 350. Grease and flour two 9" round cake pans.
Combine sour cream, water, oil, eggs, sugar, vanilla, baking powder and soda, and salt in extra-large bowl. With a large whisk, stir until combined. Add flour, cocoa & spices and whisk vigorously until smooth. Pour into the two prepared pans.
Bake 30-35 minutes until center springs back after being touched lightly. Cool in pans for 10 minutes, then remove and cool layers completely.
Finely chop chocolate and bring cream to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in the chocolate until smooth. Cool, then chill until spreadable, about 1 hour.
Meanwhile, prepare fruit topping:
Slice pear lengthwise, slice apple horizontally. Bring sugar and apple juice to a boil and add fruit. Return to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer, covered, for 2 minutes. Remove from head and let stand for 5 minutes. Strain and discard syrup, cool fruit to room temperature.
Place one cake layer on serving plate and spread with half of the chocolate/cream mixture. Top with second layer and spread with remaining ganache. Arrange fruit in single layer on top of cake, pour caramel topping over fruit, allowing to drizzle down the sides of cake. Serve immediately (does not store well).
White Chocolate-Cranberry Blondies
1/2 cup softened butter
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup dried cranberries
1/2 cup coarsely chopped white chocolate
1 cup fresh cranberries
Preheat oven to 350. Line an 11" x 7" x 1 1/2" or a 9" x 9" x 2" baking pan with foil; coat foil with non-stick spray.
Beat butter with wire whisk or mixer; add sugars, baking powder, soda & salt. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Add flour and mix until combined.
Stir in dried fruit and white chocolate. Spread batter into pan. Sprinkle with fresh cranberries--do not stir, just press lightly into surface of dough (stirring with streak the bars).
Bake 25-30 minutes, cool for at least 1 hour. Lift foil out of pan and cut into bars.
May be served with Cinnamon Whipped Cream-- combine 1/2 cup chilled whipping cream with 1/4 tsp. ground cinnamon. Beat until soft peaks form.
Caramel & Chocolate Pecan Bars
Crust:
2 cups all purpose flour
1 cup packed brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
1 cup toasted pecans, halves or chopped
Topping:
2/3 cup butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Combine all crust ingredients except pecans in a medium bowl. Beat until mixture resembles fine crumbs. Press into bottom of ungreased 13 x 9 baking pan.
Place pecans evenly over unbaked crust.
Combine 2/3 cup butter and 1/2 cup brown sugar in 1 qt. saucepan. Cook over medium head, stirring constantly until entire surface of mixture begins to boil. Boil, stirring constantly for 1 minute. Pour mixture evenly over pecans and crust.
Bake for 18-22 minutes, or until entire caramel layer is bubbly (do not overbake). Remove from oven. Immediately sprinkle with chips; allow to melt slightly. Swirl melted chips over bars, leaving some whole for effect. Cool completely and cut into bars.
Blue Ribbon Sugar Cookies
1 cup butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
1/2 tsp. baking soda
Coarse sugar for topping
Heat oven to 375.
Combine butter & sugars in large bowl, beat at medium speed until creamy.
Add egg and vanilla, continue beating until well mixed.
Reduce beater speed to low; add flour, cream of tartar and baking soda. Beat until dough forms a ball.
Shape dough into 1" balls, place 2" apart on ungreased cookie sheets. Flatten dough balls to aabout 1 1/2 " with bottom of a glass dipped in sugar. Sprinkle with coarse or decorator sugar, if desired.
Bake 7 - 9 minutes until edges are lightly browned. Let stand 1 minute and remove from cookie sheets.
Thanksgiving Recipes - Taters & Veggies
More from the food mags:
Lemon-Glazed Sweet Potatoes
6 medium sweet potatoes (4 lbs)
3/4 cup water
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
3 Tbls. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg
3 Tbls. butter
1 Tbls. finely shredded lemon peel
Preheat oven to 350. Place potatoes in large pot with enough water to cover and bring to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer 10-12 minutes, just until they are tender but not soft--easily pierced on outside but resistant in center. Drain and cool.
Meanwhile, in a non-reactive saucepan, combine 3/4 cup water, sugars and salt. Bring to boil, stirring just until sugars are dissolved. Simmer 8 minutes, remove from heat. Stir in lemon juice, nutmeg and 2 Tbls. of the butter. Butter a large shallow glass or ceramic baking dish with remaining butter.
Peel potatoes and cut cross-wise into 3/4" thick slices; arrange in baking dish. Pour lemon syrup over all. Bake for 40-50 minutes, basting occasionally, until potatoes are well-glazed and begin to carmelize on the edges. Remove from oven and cool slightly. Garnish with lemon peel.
Serves 6-8
Parsleyed Green Beans
1 1/2 lbs. green beans, ends trimmed
3 Tbls. butter
2 tsp. fresh garlic, pressed
pinch salt
2-4 Tbls. fresh, coarsely chopped flat-leaf parsley
Cook beans in salted, boiling water or steam for 5-8 minutes until tender but still vibrant green and slightly resistant to bite. Drain and immediately submerge in bowl of ice water to stop cooking and set color. Drain well.
In a wide skillet, heat butter over medium high heat until hot and foamy. Add beans. Cook, tossing often, until heated through. Add garlic and 2 Tbls. of parsley. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Cook 1 minute longer, avoid burning garlic. Sprinkle with additional parsley and serve.
Icebox Biscuits
1 pkg. active dry yeast
1/4 cup very warm water (105-115)
5 cups all purpose flour
1 Tbls. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbls. kosher salt
3/4 cup chilled lard, or 1/2 cup shortening + 1/4 cup butter, chilled
2 cups chilled buttermilk
3 Tbls. melted butter
Preheat oven to 450. Dissolve yeast in warm water, let stand for 5 minutes.
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar and salt. Using fingers, quickly work chilled lard into dry ingredients until flour mixture resembles large peas.
Stir in dissolved yeast and buttermilk; mix until just blended
Turn dough onto floured surface; knead 6 or 7 times. Roll out to 1/2" thickness. Pierce rolled dough completely through at 1/2" intervals with floured dinner fork. Cut out biscuits with 2 1/2 - 3" cutter, not twisting cutter (which would seal sides and inhibit rising).
Place biscuits on greased baking sheet, about 1/2" apart. Cover with towel, let rise 30-45 minutes, until almost doubled.
Bake in preheated oven 10-12 minutes, until golden brown. Remove from oven, brush with melted butter.
Ultra Mashed Potatoes
3 1/2 cups chicken broth
5 Large potatoes, cut into 1" pieces
1/2 cup light cream (half & half)
2 Tbls. butter
Heat broth and potatoes in saucepan and bring to a boil
Reduce heat to medium. Cover and cook for 10 minutes, until tender
Drain, reserving broth
Mash potatoes with 1/4 cup broth, cream, & butter. Add more broth, as needed
Season with salt & pepper
Add:
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup snipped chives
3 slices cooked & crumbled bacon
Swiss or Cheddar Vegetable Casserole
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup (or homemade equivalent, please~!)
1/3 cup sour cream
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1 - 16 oz bag frozen vegetable combo (cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, beans)
1 can French Fried Onions
1/2 cup shredded Swiss or Cheddar cheese
Stir soup, sour cream, pepper, vegetables, 2/3 cup onions and 1/4 cup cheese in oven-proof 2 quart casserole. Cover
Bake at 350 for 40 minutes.
Sprinkle remaining onions and cheese over casserole. Bake for 5 minutes more.
Lemon-Glazed Sweet Potatoes
6 medium sweet potatoes (4 lbs)
3/4 cup water
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
3 Tbls. fresh lemon juice
1/2 tsp. freshly grated nutmeg
3 Tbls. butter
1 Tbls. finely shredded lemon peel
Preheat oven to 350. Place potatoes in large pot with enough water to cover and bring to boil.
Reduce heat and simmer 10-12 minutes, just until they are tender but not soft--easily pierced on outside but resistant in center. Drain and cool.
Meanwhile, in a non-reactive saucepan, combine 3/4 cup water, sugars and salt. Bring to boil, stirring just until sugars are dissolved. Simmer 8 minutes, remove from heat. Stir in lemon juice, nutmeg and 2 Tbls. of the butter. Butter a large shallow glass or ceramic baking dish with remaining butter.
Peel potatoes and cut cross-wise into 3/4" thick slices; arrange in baking dish. Pour lemon syrup over all. Bake for 40-50 minutes, basting occasionally, until potatoes are well-glazed and begin to carmelize on the edges. Remove from oven and cool slightly. Garnish with lemon peel.
Serves 6-8
Parsleyed Green Beans
1 1/2 lbs. green beans, ends trimmed
3 Tbls. butter
2 tsp. fresh garlic, pressed
pinch salt
2-4 Tbls. fresh, coarsely chopped flat-leaf parsley
Cook beans in salted, boiling water or steam for 5-8 minutes until tender but still vibrant green and slightly resistant to bite. Drain and immediately submerge in bowl of ice water to stop cooking and set color. Drain well.
In a wide skillet, heat butter over medium high heat until hot and foamy. Add beans. Cook, tossing often, until heated through. Add garlic and 2 Tbls. of parsley. Season with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Cook 1 minute longer, avoid burning garlic. Sprinkle with additional parsley and serve.
Icebox Biscuits
1 pkg. active dry yeast
1/4 cup very warm water (105-115)
5 cups all purpose flour
1 Tbls. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbls. kosher salt
3/4 cup chilled lard, or 1/2 cup shortening + 1/4 cup butter, chilled
2 cups chilled buttermilk
3 Tbls. melted butter
Preheat oven to 450. Dissolve yeast in warm water, let stand for 5 minutes.
Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, sugar and salt. Using fingers, quickly work chilled lard into dry ingredients until flour mixture resembles large peas.
Stir in dissolved yeast and buttermilk; mix until just blended
Turn dough onto floured surface; knead 6 or 7 times. Roll out to 1/2" thickness. Pierce rolled dough completely through at 1/2" intervals with floured dinner fork. Cut out biscuits with 2 1/2 - 3" cutter, not twisting cutter (which would seal sides and inhibit rising).
Place biscuits on greased baking sheet, about 1/2" apart. Cover with towel, let rise 30-45 minutes, until almost doubled.
Bake in preheated oven 10-12 minutes, until golden brown. Remove from oven, brush with melted butter.
Ultra Mashed Potatoes
3 1/2 cups chicken broth
5 Large potatoes, cut into 1" pieces
1/2 cup light cream (half & half)
2 Tbls. butter
Heat broth and potatoes in saucepan and bring to a boil
Reduce heat to medium. Cover and cook for 10 minutes, until tender
Drain, reserving broth
Mash potatoes with 1/4 cup broth, cream, & butter. Add more broth, as needed
Season with salt & pepper
Add:
1/2 cup sour cream
1/4 cup snipped chives
3 slices cooked & crumbled bacon
Swiss or Cheddar Vegetable Casserole
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup (or homemade equivalent, please~!)
1/3 cup sour cream
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1 - 16 oz bag frozen vegetable combo (cauliflower, carrots, broccoli, beans)
1 can French Fried Onions
1/2 cup shredded Swiss or Cheddar cheese
Stir soup, sour cream, pepper, vegetables, 2/3 cup onions and 1/4 cup cheese in oven-proof 2 quart casserole. Cover
Bake at 350 for 40 minutes.
Sprinkle remaining onions and cheese over casserole. Bake for 5 minutes more.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Just another beautiful day in East TN
How uplifting the mornings are here! I don't even have to look at the weather in NY to know that whatever it is, it's warmer and nicer here! Bill still misses what I call The Cold White North, but he says it reflexively now, as in "I still miss New York," and then dresses up in his silly hunting clothes and goes outside with a smile on his face. I think I know what he means--he misses the times we had there, the life we had, the decade and a half of raising kids in a small town, surrounded by friends and activities. Those were great years, the best part of our lives, being a family of four + pets. It's the time he misses more than the place itself.
I think of those years with nostalgia too. I loved being a mostly-stay-at-home-mom, with little bodies to hug, and kids-say-and-do-the-darndest-things moments to treasure. Bill and I here in Tennessee are living a completely different lifestyle, one that we're not entirely comfortable with yet. We are now Empty Nesters, and not sure if we like it yet. Well, actually, we don't like it all that much, truth be told--but when the kids grow up and go off to lead their own lives, what other choice do we have? We just plain miss them, and used to say that it was so unfair that as soon as they do grow up and become really interesting, they leave! We did our job too well--our children have become everything (and more) that we had hoped--self-supporting, kind, bright & independent--and now we only get to hear of their achievements from afar and cheer from the sidelines, instead of sharing their laughter & stories over the dinner table each night. So yeah, it sucks, but going back to New York wouldn't rewind that film or give us more time with them.
So now, Bill and I are just two, a couple, for the first time in 25 years. We didn't know each other all that well for very long before we married and had babies, so it feels like we were always a house of chaos, a family with children underfoot and part of every activity. We have to invent this couplehood thing almost for the first time, now that they are gone. It's more than a little weird, but we're working at it, day by day, and getting it pretty right, I think.
Today's chores are simple: I get to tell Bill what to do, and he does it. We have beds to set up in the loft and stuff to move back upstairs to clear space on the main level. Houseguests are due tomorrow in the form of Joe & Ray, plus Joe's father, recently widowed. Ray is one of our oldest friends (daughter Juli's middle name is Rae, after him); Bill knew him and his wife Elaine in the Marines, 30 years ago. We just met Joe last year, when they came to buy investment properties in Rogersville. Joe just lost his mom to myeloma a few weeks ago, so he and his dad are on a mini-roadtrip for a change of scene.
I am looking forward to seeing them all (and telling them what to do too)! My only concern is that it will hurt to laugh, because they always make me laugh with their stories & their man-shenanigans. We may only have Sunday with them, because Bill and I may have to go up to Virginia on Monday or Tuesday, but it's an unexpected bonus to see them for however long they can stay--and they can stay in the house even if we have to go.
So, even if we don't have the kids around anymore, we have the joy of a "created family" with our friends, old and new.
I think of those years with nostalgia too. I loved being a mostly-stay-at-home-mom, with little bodies to hug, and kids-say-and-do-the-darndest-things moments to treasure. Bill and I here in Tennessee are living a completely different lifestyle, one that we're not entirely comfortable with yet. We are now Empty Nesters, and not sure if we like it yet. Well, actually, we don't like it all that much, truth be told--but when the kids grow up and go off to lead their own lives, what other choice do we have? We just plain miss them, and used to say that it was so unfair that as soon as they do grow up and become really interesting, they leave! We did our job too well--our children have become everything (and more) that we had hoped--self-supporting, kind, bright & independent--and now we only get to hear of their achievements from afar and cheer from the sidelines, instead of sharing their laughter & stories over the dinner table each night. So yeah, it sucks, but going back to New York wouldn't rewind that film or give us more time with them.
So now, Bill and I are just two, a couple, for the first time in 25 years. We didn't know each other all that well for very long before we married and had babies, so it feels like we were always a house of chaos, a family with children underfoot and part of every activity. We have to invent this couplehood thing almost for the first time, now that they are gone. It's more than a little weird, but we're working at it, day by day, and getting it pretty right, I think.
Today's chores are simple: I get to tell Bill what to do, and he does it. We have beds to set up in the loft and stuff to move back upstairs to clear space on the main level. Houseguests are due tomorrow in the form of Joe & Ray, plus Joe's father, recently widowed. Ray is one of our oldest friends (daughter Juli's middle name is Rae, after him); Bill knew him and his wife Elaine in the Marines, 30 years ago. We just met Joe last year, when they came to buy investment properties in Rogersville. Joe just lost his mom to myeloma a few weeks ago, so he and his dad are on a mini-roadtrip for a change of scene.
I am looking forward to seeing them all (and telling them what to do too)! My only concern is that it will hurt to laugh, because they always make me laugh with their stories & their man-shenanigans. We may only have Sunday with them, because Bill and I may have to go up to Virginia on Monday or Tuesday, but it's an unexpected bonus to see them for however long they can stay--and they can stay in the house even if we have to go.
So, even if we don't have the kids around anymore, we have the joy of a "created family" with our friends, old and new.
Friday, November 9, 2007
So Thankful
It occurred to me yesterday that the activity of recovery from surgery is so time-consuming that it leaves no room for the self-pity or sadness I thought I'd be dealing with. I think I am very fortunate to have hit my nadir during the anticipation of the surgery, rather than after it was done.
I am just not horrified at all by the look of my body as I thought I would be--the reality of it is more of a curious observation that "Oh, that's not so bad after all!" Bill says that to him, it just looks painful for me rather than revolting to him. For me, there is no more of a disconnect than say, when I'd catch a glimpse of myself naked in late pregnancy and wonder "who is that [misshapen whale?] in the mirror?" The picture I have of myself, that odd thing called body image, hasn't been damaged at all. I wonder why, but in any case, I am grateful for the selective delusion--I still hate my flabby tummy and my sagging chin when I see them, but in my mind, I don't think of those as part of my idea of what I picture myself as looking like in total. I still feel quite beautiful, whatever exists in the mirror or reality.
Dr. Brenin called last night to say that they are still working on the pathology. I do love that meticulous-cautious approach, but I am impatient to know what the next step is. Do we get to complete the reconstruction next week or be plunged back into despair over needing radiation after all? Yes, I want continued positive news! Let's keep this ball in the air!
Bill is out in the woods this morning, one of two days this week that he is allowed to hunt bucks or does with a black-powder musket. My own Natty Bumpo, out getting meat for the freezer.
Life does indeed just go on (unless you are a deer, presumably).
I am just not horrified at all by the look of my body as I thought I would be--the reality of it is more of a curious observation that "Oh, that's not so bad after all!" Bill says that to him, it just looks painful for me rather than revolting to him. For me, there is no more of a disconnect than say, when I'd catch a glimpse of myself naked in late pregnancy and wonder "who is that [misshapen whale?] in the mirror?" The picture I have of myself, that odd thing called body image, hasn't been damaged at all. I wonder why, but in any case, I am grateful for the selective delusion--I still hate my flabby tummy and my sagging chin when I see them, but in my mind, I don't think of those as part of my idea of what I picture myself as looking like in total. I still feel quite beautiful, whatever exists in the mirror or reality.
Dr. Brenin called last night to say that they are still working on the pathology. I do love that meticulous-cautious approach, but I am impatient to know what the next step is. Do we get to complete the reconstruction next week or be plunged back into despair over needing radiation after all? Yes, I want continued positive news! Let's keep this ball in the air!
Bill is out in the woods this morning, one of two days this week that he is allowed to hunt bucks or does with a black-powder musket. My own Natty Bumpo, out getting meat for the freezer.
Life does indeed just go on (unless you are a deer, presumably).
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Good news from the FNP
Family Nurse Practitioner Lisa Cook turned out to be a charming 40-ish woman, very on-the-ball. She examined me and said while the surgery looked "major," they did a great job, my incisions are healing beautifully and there's no infection or other bad signs. Despite their practice's strict "no oxycodone scripts" policy, she said it was obvious that I had a clear & present need for more pain meds. As long as Bill is willing to drive me everywhere, I'll just stay on those meds that make it possible for me to function at all!
The swelling in my arm had eased by the time I saw her, but we talked about strategies to avoid further insult to those tissues in the future. As soon as these surgical drains come out (Flippy & Floppy, naming them for MaryAnn's benefit, or perhaps Left-Liberal Luther and Right-Reactionary Rachel), I'll be able to exercise my arms again, which will help pump those excess fluids away from that area. And thank heavens I didn't have to have all those lymph nodes removed, again a blessing to have the sentinel node biopsy instead of the old sampling technique that could have led to more damage.
Life continues to improve--one trip to the doctor's office and Walmart for the Rx filling, and I spent the rest of the day sleeping or half-sleeping.
Pizza tonight, something easy and quick!
The swelling in my arm had eased by the time I saw her, but we talked about strategies to avoid further insult to those tissues in the future. As soon as these surgical drains come out (Flippy & Floppy, naming them for MaryAnn's benefit, or perhaps Left-Liberal Luther and Right-Reactionary Rachel), I'll be able to exercise my arms again, which will help pump those excess fluids away from that area. And thank heavens I didn't have to have all those lymph nodes removed, again a blessing to have the sentinel node biopsy instead of the old sampling technique that could have led to more damage.
Life continues to improve--one trip to the doctor's office and Walmart for the Rx filling, and I spent the rest of the day sleeping or half-sleeping.
Pizza tonight, something easy and quick!
Two steps forward, one step back
First, good news: I actually slept more than 6 hours last night, and went a full 12 hours between doses of painkillers--I felt good enough to sleep right through and I just forgot to take more.
Bad news: I woke up with swelling in my left underarm, presumably lymphedema, probably from not having my arms elevated during the "long" night. Very uncomfortable. Something to be avoided in future, for sure.
I laid back down on the couch, being careful to prop my left elbow up against the back cushions, allowing gravity to do its deed. When I woke again at 8, the swelling had alleviated--no more big bad lumpiness under the arm. Must remember this!
Off to the doctor this morning, more drugs please!
Bad news: I woke up with swelling in my left underarm, presumably lymphedema, probably from not having my arms elevated during the "long" night. Very uncomfortable. Something to be avoided in future, for sure.
I laid back down on the couch, being careful to prop my left elbow up against the back cushions, allowing gravity to do its deed. When I woke again at 8, the swelling had alleviated--no more big bad lumpiness under the arm. Must remember this!
Off to the doctor this morning, more drugs please!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Getting Vertical
I had hoped to report success on my latest goal this morning--being able to get out of bed (or even up off a couch) by myself. Alas, it is not yet to be.
Imagine lying on your back on a soft surface, like a mattress or a sofa. Imagine a 200 lb. anvil lying across your chest at about underarm level. Now, rise to a sitting position, without using your arms, hands, wrists or elbows (feet and toes are OK, but once you try this, you realize "so what?" -- your feet and toes won't help you). Aha! Now you see the problem? You realize that your 54-old abs are in pathetic shape, you spend 5 or 10 minutes thinking of all the physics involved, rolling around on your back, trying to scootch your hips, and mentally seeing yourself magically levitating to an upright position. Then you give up and wake up Bill, who sticks out a masterfully strong hand and shoves you up and forward, without ever breaking stride in his snoring.
Tomorrow, I think. I'll sit up by myself tomorrow. It is good to have a goal, even if attaining it is just out of reach. Something inspiring about man's reach exceeding his grasp, perhaps, would be best inserted here? Sigh.
I had a small bit of fun on yesterday's drive home. The weather was gorgeous, the fall foliage was stunning, the chicken sandwich at the Dixie American Grill (exit 128, I'm beginning to know I-81 way too well), was ambrosial. I was warm and toasty in my cuddly-soft robe over camisole & leggings, and looked positively divine as the slightly-suspicious-bag-lady-in-rest-stop-lavatory-in-bathrobe-and-slippers-at-3-in-the-afternoon. OK, I looked sketchy to be sure, but I knew I wasn't dangerous or weird, just a person who had surgery 3 days ago and was dressed for traveling comfortably! It's not like I owed anyone an explanation (or was moved to offer one), but it made me think of the times I have edged away from odd strangers because something was just a little "off" from what was acceptable behavior or dress. Haha. Now it's me!
So, home to our little round house, what a relief--another step in the process. And clean! What a joy to come home to a clean house (Thank you Shirley!), with new carpet upstairs and fresh sheets on the bed, flowers on the table and cold water in the fridge. Bill got the hot water heater fired up, and the thermostat turned on, closed the windows (we left them open when we departed last week, for venting the new-carpet fumes) and opened the shades. I was wiped out, I became one with the sofa for about 2 hours.
I think I have just about figured out this pain-killer thing. Being a total Rx Nazi, I am now eating proverbial crow. There are times (like these), when only oxycodone will do-- a half-tablet does nothing, one is fine if I lie perfectly still (and that means no breathing, either!), one-and-a-half means I can function cheerfully for about 4-5 hours, and two means I'm not going to be conscious at all (some of you have suffered through these phone calls--I take two Percocet and decide I want to talk to someone--my apologies). And don't even dream about operating machinery, such as dispensing toilet paper from the roll or brushing my teeth!
Dr. Mark saved my bacon by suggesting that I have an appointment with my local doctor (whom I've never been sick enough to meet yet) already set up when I got home--I'm going to need some transitional drugs within a day or two. So I'm all set to waltz in tomorrow morning with a "Hi, how are you, take a look at my incisions and would you write me a big script for a heavily-controlled-substance, please?" When you need the drugs, you really need them, and I'm not talking recreational use here. Just trying to get through the day, thank you.
My big activity today will be to wash my hair again (this is getting to be a highlight-pleasure-activity-of-the-week), and wash this stretchy camisole thingy I've been wearing non-stop since my hospital release. It's really keen, and makes me wish I had invented it and was receiving royalties. How often do we buy something that we are absolutely, completely thrilled with? It is a spandex/microfiber garment with gathers on the empire bustline, and little pockets on the inside of the bodice for holding my drainage tubes and bulbs so they don't tangle or flop around.
Wow, someone saw a need and invented it, and I am so thankful I could just dance (if I could indeed dance at this stage). And I will cook Bill a nice dinner, because he-of-the-long-suffering-"honey-can-you-help-me-up"-fourteen-times-a-day, has been a peach through this whole hard week, where it's all been about me, and not much about him at all.
How do people do this by themselves? I am so thankful for all the actual help and the physical and emotional support I've received, every minute of every day. I am unworthy of the attention, but oh, so grateful just the same. Thank you, thank you.
Imagine lying on your back on a soft surface, like a mattress or a sofa. Imagine a 200 lb. anvil lying across your chest at about underarm level. Now, rise to a sitting position, without using your arms, hands, wrists or elbows (feet and toes are OK, but once you try this, you realize "so what?" -- your feet and toes won't help you). Aha! Now you see the problem? You realize that your 54-old abs are in pathetic shape, you spend 5 or 10 minutes thinking of all the physics involved, rolling around on your back, trying to scootch your hips, and mentally seeing yourself magically levitating to an upright position. Then you give up and wake up Bill, who sticks out a masterfully strong hand and shoves you up and forward, without ever breaking stride in his snoring.
Tomorrow, I think. I'll sit up by myself tomorrow. It is good to have a goal, even if attaining it is just out of reach. Something inspiring about man's reach exceeding his grasp, perhaps, would be best inserted here? Sigh.
I had a small bit of fun on yesterday's drive home. The weather was gorgeous, the fall foliage was stunning, the chicken sandwich at the Dixie American Grill (exit 128, I'm beginning to know I-81 way too well), was ambrosial. I was warm and toasty in my cuddly-soft robe over camisole & leggings, and looked positively divine as the slightly-suspicious-bag-lady-in-rest-stop-lavatory-in-bathrobe-and-slippers-at-3-in-the-afternoon. OK, I looked sketchy to be sure, but I knew I wasn't dangerous or weird, just a person who had surgery 3 days ago and was dressed for traveling comfortably! It's not like I owed anyone an explanation (or was moved to offer one), but it made me think of the times I have edged away from odd strangers because something was just a little "off" from what was acceptable behavior or dress. Haha. Now it's me!
So, home to our little round house, what a relief--another step in the process. And clean! What a joy to come home to a clean house (Thank you Shirley!), with new carpet upstairs and fresh sheets on the bed, flowers on the table and cold water in the fridge. Bill got the hot water heater fired up, and the thermostat turned on, closed the windows (we left them open when we departed last week, for venting the new-carpet fumes) and opened the shades. I was wiped out, I became one with the sofa for about 2 hours.
I think I have just about figured out this pain-killer thing. Being a total Rx Nazi, I am now eating proverbial crow. There are times (like these), when only oxycodone will do-- a half-tablet does nothing, one is fine if I lie perfectly still (and that means no breathing, either!), one-and-a-half means I can function cheerfully for about 4-5 hours, and two means I'm not going to be conscious at all (some of you have suffered through these phone calls--I take two Percocet and decide I want to talk to someone--my apologies). And don't even dream about operating machinery, such as dispensing toilet paper from the roll or brushing my teeth!
Dr. Mark saved my bacon by suggesting that I have an appointment with my local doctor (whom I've never been sick enough to meet yet) already set up when I got home--I'm going to need some transitional drugs within a day or two. So I'm all set to waltz in tomorrow morning with a "Hi, how are you, take a look at my incisions and would you write me a big script for a heavily-controlled-substance, please?" When you need the drugs, you really need them, and I'm not talking recreational use here. Just trying to get through the day, thank you.
My big activity today will be to wash my hair again (this is getting to be a highlight-pleasure-activity-of-the-week), and wash this stretchy camisole thingy I've been wearing non-stop since my hospital release. It's really keen, and makes me wish I had invented it and was receiving royalties. How often do we buy something that we are absolutely, completely thrilled with? It is a spandex/microfiber garment with gathers on the empire bustline, and little pockets on the inside of the bodice for holding my drainage tubes and bulbs so they don't tangle or flop around.
Wow, someone saw a need and invented it, and I am so thankful I could just dance (if I could indeed dance at this stage). And I will cook Bill a nice dinner, because he-of-the-long-suffering-"honey-can-you-help-me-up"-fourteen-times-a-day, has been a peach through this whole hard week, where it's all been about me, and not much about him at all.
How do people do this by themselves? I am so thankful for all the actual help and the physical and emotional support I've received, every minute of every day. I am unworthy of the attention, but oh, so grateful just the same. Thank you, thank you.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Going home today
My part of going home today is already done--I washed my face and put on clean clothes. That's it. Wow--the easiest trip I've ever had to pack for!
Since Bill's in charge of this operation, I have no information. I'll just get in the car when he says "Go."
We'll be there when we get there.
It is good to be the Queen....
Since Bill's in charge of this operation, I have no information. I'll just get in the car when he says "Go."
We'll be there when we get there.
It is good to be the Queen....
Monday, November 5, 2007
OK, today's the day...
...to get a grip on this moving around thing! I am bored with gliding, schlepping, tip-toeing, shuffling and scooting. I am annoyed with having to be careful with every single twitch of a muscle, and having to think through an entire series of muscle moves in order to get from point A to point B. Today I want to figure out a way to move without pain or the anticipation of pain.
I'm thinking I want to go home to TN tomorrow. That means I need to talk to people in plastics and breast center today, be seen by whomever before I go, and get times confirmed for next week's appointments.
I dreamt about having my hair washed. Maybe we can find a way to make that happen today too. Ah! The simple things in life are what I crave!
I'm thinking I want to go home to TN tomorrow. That means I need to talk to people in plastics and breast center today, be seen by whomever before I go, and get times confirmed for next week's appointments.
I dreamt about having my hair washed. Maybe we can find a way to make that happen today too. Ah! The simple things in life are what I crave!
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