I wasn't going to do a trip retrospective until I got home, counting on having the 800 miles back to digest the visits, the insights and whatever profundities made themselves known to me.
But I find myself at the computer on this morning at Ron & Kendra's house, reaching for the blog, as the swirl of people and places has started getting crowded in my head.
It's been great to see our old friends--everyone looks great and we fall into instant familiarity and laughter. To see myself reflected in the eyes of people I have known for so many years, gives me a new perspective on the events of last year. They really do see me as unchanged. I am whole to them, undamaged, and they are so happy to have me here and well.
Living in my isolated world of my own "me-me-me" trauma, this is the confirmation that I have been missing--that I am indeed still the same person at core, that whatever was done to me has not stolen my spirit, changed my essential persona, or damaged my appeal. They still like me.
I know it sounds somewhat ridiculous. I don't know what I feared, and I surely didn't expect rejection from the people I love, but to be enveloped in love reflected back and sincere exhortations of how I am the same to them brings a powerful sense of relief. I really am OK. I will bounce back, I have bounced quite a bit already, and I emerge from my own little nightmare experience unscathed, as far as they are concerned.
It occurred to me last night, while talking about what everyone has gone through, and is currently dealing with in their lives, that maybe none of us gets through life with all our original parts. For some the scars are physical, for some it's psychological or mental, but none of us get out of here untouched. What stays constant is love and loyalty.
And maybe, that is indeed enough.
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