Today's my big 2-year oncology check-up, followed by a session at Mr. Acupuncture's House of Blessed Relief.
I've got a list of meds I need new scripts for, a file folder full of genomic test results, and a stoic attitude. My goal is to stay on the tamoxifen (for better or worse) and hope that the five years on that drug will suit me better than switching to an aromatase inhibitor. I hope that my doctor will agree.
There is a trade-off when one decides to get involved in the decision-making of one's own health care. It means I have to take responsibility for the choices I make, knowing that I am not nearly as knowledgeable as my doctor, but also knowing that no one cares more about me and my care as I do. Ultimately, I have to live with the results of my decisions. Would I rather hand that over to the doctor, or make my own choice and accept the consequences, good or bad.
So much second-guessing goes on. If the cancer comes back, would it have happened if I had chosen the other medication? If it doesn't come back, is it because I chose to take one drug over another? Who's to say that taking this blasted estrogen blocker has had any real long-term effect on my individual survival (since all the studies are based on large-population statistical studies, like the one that says it's not cost-effective to give all women aged 40-50 routine mammograms, because it only saves a few lives)?
It boggles. In the end, I shrug my shoulders and move on. What else can I do?
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